This is the second of three blogs I’m writing in response to Through the Maze, published in Stuff on 30 July 2017. I’m finishing the story with these footnotes.
In Footnote1 which was posted yesterday, I illustrated (through Janet’s story of despair, coercion and lost life chances) the traditional mental health system that still exists today. To read this story click here.
In this Footnote2 I rewind Janet’s story to the beginning. I tell a very different story of support, respect and hope as Janet makes her way through a transformed world and systems.
In Footnote3, coming soon, I leave the tree in the forest which is Janet, fly over it in my ‘big picture’ helicopter, and describe what that transformed world and system might look like.
Janet’s story, in a transformed world and system
(from my memoir ‘Madness Made Me’)
Janet started to experience severe distress at nineteen. Her life had been difficult for years. She was sexually abused between the ages of ten to fifteen by an uncle but she hid it from her family. As a teenager Janet got into some self-harm and heavy drinking to deal with her shame and alienation. Then she started to hear voices that reinforced the bad feelings she had about herself. Janet just managed to get her school qualifications and was accepted for nursing school.
During her second year at nursing school, Janet’s voices and the feelings got so bad she decided to jump off a motorway bridge. Her best friend Emma had seen a place advertised on the internet where young people could go if they were feeling distressed or suicidal. So they went online, found rockup.com and Janet answered some questions. The results said, ‘You’re really depressed. Your local Rock Up would like to contact you to see if we can help.’ Janet selected the ‘phone me’ option and got a call ten minutes later.
The next day Janet went to an appointment at the local Rock Up with Emma. You could go there for lots of stuff – health information, contraceptives, support groups, student loans, job search and info on the best gigs in town. Someone she knew from school was on reception. ‘Welcome to Rock Up,’ she said, and showed Janet and Emma the coffee machine.
A young woman came over. ‘Hi. My name’s Lisa. I’m a peer support worker and you’ll be meeting with me and a clinical worker here.’
‘What’s a peer support worker?’ Janet asked.
‘Someone who was sitting right where you were a few years ago.’
Lisa and the clinical worker listened while Janet talked and cried; it was a relief to talk to people who seemed to understand. Lisa set up weekly appointments and gave Janet a number to ring at any time if she felt desperate or unsafe.
A few weeks later Janet started feeling suicidal again and rang Lisa who organised for her to go to a peer-run crisis house. It was a warm, homely place and Janet immediately felt welcome and safe. A woman called Helen introduced herself to Janet as her peer mentor. Helen explained that people develop problems for many different reasons and mentioned sexual abuse as one of them. Janet told Helen about her sexual abuse. Helen said they could organise free counselling for her. Then a psychiatrist came and offered Janet some medication to help with her sleep and the voices.
One night Janet woke up feeling really paranoid and went downstairs to see the peer worker on night shift. ‘I’m under attack, I’m going to die,’ she called out. The peer worker rubbed her back and reassured her that the feeling would pass.
A few days later Janet and Helen started to talk about what Janet needed when she got out so she could cope and get on with her life.
Janet got on with some of the other guests but Helen was an inspiration to her. It was amazing to share with someone who had been through similar experiences, who had come out the other side and learnt from her psychosis. Janet felt much less isolated and started to feel hope for the first time in ages. She also joined in the art sessions and a creative writing group and started to feel almost whole again. And she signed up for a peer-developed online recovery education course.
When Janet left the crisis house she went back to Rock Up to see Lisa, who reminded Janet that she was strong and could recover. Lisa went through the plan Janet had created with Helen and organised her sexual abuse counselling. Janet also saw the psychiatrist at Rock Up who went through the pros and cons of medication with her. Janet decided to stay on a very small dose of anti-psychotics.
Lisa went with Janet to discuss with her flatmates what had been happening to her. They decided to have Janet back. A family support worker from Rock Up also contacted Janet’s mother, gave her some books and online references and invited her to a family recovery group with other parents, which she attended for over two years.
Rock Up contacted the student support service at Janet’s nursing school. They liaised with Janet’s tutors, invited her on a course called, ‘Studying when life sucks’ and helped her catch up with her studies. The support service also introduced Janet to a campus ‘hearing voices’ group where she discovered she could take charge of her voices. One of her classmates was a member of the group and they became good friends.
Janet felt she could make it a lot of the time. It was incredibly helpful meeting people who believed in her and understood what she was going through. She had some terrible days when the voices really got to her. The psychiatrist at Rock Up increased her anti-psychotics slightly to take the edge of the voices and that helped a bit.
Janet found nursing school a real struggle but the student support services did whatever it took to keep her there – helping her organise her assignments and finding strategies to deal with the stresses of being on placement.
But the stress of her first placement was too much and one morning she woke up in bright light and the voices told her she was an angel. She felt transformed, put on a see-through gown, walked into the city and blessed everyone she saw to save them from evil. Two people in uniforms came up to Janet and asked her some questions. They said they’d like to help Janet get her strength back, because having sole responsibility for saving people was very hard work.
Janet agreed and went with them to a house where a psychiatrist said, ‘We want you to stay here for a while because we think you need a complete break from saving people or you will collapse. We also want to give you some drugs to calm you and help you sleep.’ A nurse showed Janet to her room and sat with her while she paced and raved.
The next day Janet felt full of energy and wanted to go and give blessings to the people in the city again. A staff member took her to a quiet place in the park and stayed close to her while she did an angel ritual. Janet often went for walks with a staff member to let off some steam. No one ever stopped her leaving the building but someone always went out with her. The psychiatrist was happy to reduce the drugs after ten days when Janet told her how horrible they were. After two weeks the staff asked Janet if she wanted to go to a five-bedroom recovery house for an intensive three-month stay.
The staff and the other residents welcomed Janet to the house and told her what went on there. The residents made their own house rules and chose what they got involved in. Over the next few weeks the staff sat down with Janet and discussed every area of her life. She had to think hard about what she wanted and they helped her come up with a plan for going back to nursing school, linking up with her friends, finding a flat and going back to her sexual abuse counselling. She also went to a local photography course.
Over the three months Janet really started to believe that she could recover and have a good life. She learnt not to be ashamed, to keep herself healthy and to rebuild her life. She got the confidence to look for a summer job and go to parties again. She also made some great friends.
Janet stayed on a small dose of anti-psychotics but she didn’t like the effect they had on her. Her psychiatrist explained that she may not need them if she continued with the sexual abuse counselling and the other things she was doing with her life. It took her two years to get completely off them.
How is Janet doing today? She is now twenty-five. Things are better with her family since they went to a family recovery group. They are proud of the way she is overcoming adversity. Some of Janet’s old friends drifted away but she has made many new ones. She is working as a mental health nurse in a place similar to Rock Up, where she is open about her experience. The sexual abuse counselling helped her deal with her trauma. She still hears voices sometimes but has learnt ways of putting them in their place so they don’t intrude too much. Life is good most of the time.
This is the same Janet that took her own life after years in the traditional mental health system. In this story Janet gets the support, respect and hope she needs to move forward with her life.
Coming soon, in Footnote3 we take a look at what the whole system looks like.